All posts by poeticice

I'm a Veterinary Technician, and a Writer. An odd combination but a fun one. I'm happily married and loving life, so I see fit to write about it as well as indulge in poetry and fiction stories.

Can I live?


Can I live as you do

Can I breathe the air too

Is okay to let me be?

Why is it a crime to just be me?

Everyday I wake up to a new headline

The cops were called to stop a crime

The charges are starting to stack!

Your ass is guilty of being black

I’m guilty of being black?

Because of my melanin I’m under attack?

I’m just trying to study here, how is that wrong?

This is just a new verse in the Jim Crow song

I don’t owe you an explanation, you’re causing a disturbance

I’m calling the cops as a form of white reassurance

You threaten me, dark one who did not wave!

Having you arrested is the only way we’ll be saved

Saved? More like send me to an early grave/

You called the abusive, bold, and the brave

I know all cops aren’t bad, but some fear me

I did nothing wrong can’t you see!

You presence is wrong, why are you in this Waffle House?/

You’re causing havoc you degenerate louse/

I can only assume you’re here to deal drugs and gang bang/

Bet you won’t be so insubordinate when those gun shots rang!/

Why is this escalating what did I do?

Does it bother you that I do the same activities as you?/

I’m just trying to live my life!

Your start to make me wish I brought my knife!/

What was that nigger? You making threats!/

You should’ve stayed on your corner shooting dice and making bets!/

You better not move, your existence I do detest/

Don’t make me break you nigger, you’re under arrest!/

You’re gonna arrest me for being black?

You’ll kill me for fighting back!

If I raise my voice I’ll be choked

If I ask for help, those would be the last words I spoke/

You damn right, you don’t belong here!

I’ll kill you to go home safe, not out of fear!

I’m calling for back up you are a danger

Nothing good will come from your black anger!

What emotion do you expect me to have?

This will be all over social media and you clansmen will just laugh!

I’m not even allowed to exist

It is rage, when you can be killed for not trying to resist!

got your call for back up, detain this nigger

I don’t trust his shadowy figure!

He has a gun! Fire all your rounds

Don’t stop until he’s lying there making those gasping sounds!

Check his gagging corpse, look for the drugs!

I got nothing, plant some around the slugs

Another job well done/

Be sure that in the report we say he had a gun

Murdered for being black

Just add the file to the growing stack

I will go unnamed and unheard of

My soul forced to float above

Can I live as you do?

Can I breath the air too?

Is it okay to let me be

Why is it a crime to be me?

Poetic Ice


Mukbang: Jjajangmyeon (Black Bean Noodles)

Hey all, I know it’s been a hell of a long time since I posted. It’s been hard to write through all that pain we went through last year. So this year we decided that we will overcome the negative with new experiences and having fun!

First things first we are reviving our YouTube channel and doing new things. We started doing Mukbang videos. Mukbang is Korean for eating show basically, so it’s self explanatory. Our first one was Jjajangmyeon, or black Bean Noodles. They were awesome!

Here is a link to our video!

Mukbang #1 Jjajangmyeon

Christmas List

I lay awake early Christmas morning

Trying to stay happy

Stay in the spirit

Glad to have a strong family

Honored to have a strong wife

But that hole is present in my life

The first birthday of Christ without my hero

I remember running to the tree

Not knowing what I would see

A bike, Dad could you teach me to ride?

Roller blades, could you teach me to glide?

A game, could you hook it up

Come on Dad let’s race RC Trucks!

Now I’m looking at the tree….

Staring at the cotton thinking of he..

I mean him

I mean Dad

LeRoy, a king amongst mediocre men

Now I can’t wait to see you again

Staring at the tree praying for the impossible/

Wishing to unwrap my father for my family

Is it okay to want the impossible?

Is it okay for a man to miss his daddy?

Is it okay to miss his laugh

Is it okay to want to unwrap my father’s love

No, only because it won’t happen.

So I’ll unwrap the amazing memories

The amazing life of Mr. Z

I’ll be honest I really wish he would come back to me…

Gotta be strong I have no choice…. but even the strong crack, and that’s okay. I love and miss you Dad!


Draft 1

The Moon Fall Incident
They called it the Moon Fall Incident. I only learned this many months after that day. This was the last day I saw my wife, the last day I was truly happy. I can still see it, that day I mean. I relive it every night in my fitful sleep.
My wife, Tiombie, and I were coming home from a busy day running errands and planning on cooking Thai food for dinner. The scent of her perfume still lingers in my nose from that day. Her laugh wraps itself around my heart and warms me at night now. Those auburn eyes that could always see through me, damn I miss them.

“What are you starring at Cade?” She asked me breaking my trance. I hung on her words for a moment. Every sound wave ingrained into my memory now.

“Cade?” She repeated
“At the you my sunrise, because you brighten my day.” I say to her. I should have told her more. I should have told her that my love for her was endless and that I’d trade the world for another day with her.
“Well, my sunset I hope you still feel that way after you wash the dishes, it’s your turn.” She said with a giggle. I would have responded to her but this is where it began. The core of my being felt so cold. That cold feeling bore a feeling of absolute evil. A feeling of malice in a pure form entered my body and paralyzed me. I could hear my wife talking but I couldn’t respond to her. My gaze drifted upward into the partly cloudy sky and I spoke without thought.

“Pull the car over right now!” I yelled out now. Tiombie swerved off the road abruptly with a scowl on her face. She started to yell at me but saw the sweat pouring off my brow and wiped my head on concern.

“What’s wrong with you?” She asked me. I didn’t have an answer. This feeling was nauseating now. Before she could ask more she followed my gaze and gasped. We were both staring at a cluster of clouds in the distance. There was a perfect circle seemingly cut out of it.
“A hole in the clouds?” I say finally gaining some composure back.
“What did that?” She asked. We didn’t wait long for an answer. An enormous radiantly white orb plummeted through it and crashed into the cityscape in the distance. At first there was no sound, but all at once the sounds of the other cars on the highway swerving to a stop hit me first. Then the sound of metal being crushed and glass shattering came. Lastly the sound of various explosions deafened me. The orb shot back into the sky and the screams of survivors filled my ears now. But not in he traditional since. I felt the screams from within.
“We have to get out of here!” Tiombie yelled as she cranked the car again.
“Wait! Don’t move the car yet, look up there!” I ordered now. She hesitated but listened to me. We gazed upward and saw more circles opening in the cloud cover around the city now. Fear started to settle in now, but something told me to move now. To this day I can’t explain why I listened. My hand found the handle and pulled the door open.

“Where the hell are you going?” Tiombie yelled at me as I peered upward at the new hole opening up directly above us. I didn’t respond to her as I walked a few feet away from the car. She tried to follow and I thirst my had back at her telling her to stop. When I did her door slammed shut, rocking the car. Tiombie tried opening it from what I heard but couldn’t. I never took my eyes off the sky to confirm it. A few others got out of their cars and joined me in my gaze now. The perfect circle was mesmerizing now, and the Malice I felt in my stomach began to fade. A feeling of tranquility enveloped me, then an adrenaline rush. Something was about to happen I could feel it.
In the moment between breaths time seemed to stop. Everything froze in place and that’s when it spoke to us.

“Finally, you are ready!” A voice rumbled from within. I can’t explain it, but it felt like an ancient presence. Something unknown yet familiar at the same time. I wanted to call out tour but time started to flow again now, and we saw it now. The white orb of death and destruction was plummeting towards the earth now. I’ve never seen something move so fast before.
“The Time is now!” The voice rang out again. My body moved finally, I didn’t know why but I thrust my hands upward with my eyes jammed shit waiting to feel a hot crushing death. Something I could only describe as power welled up in my gut and I felt my body and mind strain beyond belief. I winced and groaned but poured everything I had into maintaining this feeling. It felt like an eternity went by before I felt a small bit of relief.

“Cade, look up!” My wife called to me from the car. I opened my eyes, slowly letting the light enter. The orb was hovering above the road about a 100 yards away. Getting a good look at it now, it looked like a small moon.

“Did we do this?” A blond haired guy in fatigues asked staring in my direction. I looked around and saw a few more people got out of their cars and were holding their hands up now.

“I don’t know, but I’m glad it stopped.” I say finally taking a breath. I turned my focus back on the moon and he did the same. I don’t know what he thought of but something made me think I wanted it gone. I searched inside for that feeling and it came lurching out again. I winced bit kept my eyes in the moon and thought of pushing it back. After a few seconds of feeling foolish it slowly began drifting upward. A few yells of triumph echoes through the street as it was pushed back. The strain got worse as I pushed harder, but I wanted it gone. With a final effort we pushed against it and it rocketed back upwards into orbit. The clouds dispersed rapidly revealing a brilliant blue sky now. A calm set in amongst the crowd as we felt like we overcame death. I can only hope that was the case.

I turned to face my wife and I couldn’t move. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and never let her go. I wanted to taste her luscious lips just once more. Bask in the luminous glow of her supple brown skin, but all I could do was drop to my knees crippled by exhaustion. The last thing I could see was her beating on the glass trying to get to me before I blacked out.

An unknown amount of time later

Have you ever had a hangover and got woken up by a continuous obnoxious banging? That was my life currently. My eyes still hadn’t open yet but my other senses were compensating. I could smell wood burning, possibly a campfire. The obnoxious banging was coupled with cursing at a door that wouldn’t open. There was someone sobbing around me as well. My mouth felt gritty, was there sand in my mouth? I tried to spit it out but my mouth was too dry to do so. My limbs felt like they were injected with led, it was impossible hard to try and prop myself up. I rubbed the floor slowly realizing that i was laying on a stone or cement flooring. The sobs intensify and I realize someone is talking now.
“…up…. Get up man! How long are you going to be a zombie?” The voice asked. It was familiar. The soldier from the highway. My eyes creeped open and the light from the fire stung them shut again.
“What hit me?” I groan holding my head attempting to open my eyes again.
“A fucking moon. Now get up and help me open this door.” He ordered. I scan the room and now and everything is stone, a brown stone room with paintings on the walls. Three sides were completely solid minus the huge door in the center of the wall opposite of the opening leading to a balcony. The sun looked like it was rising in the distance, over a mountain. A mountain? I live in a region of Georgia that isn’t mountainous. Panic sets in and I force myself up and rush for the balcony. I rushed headlong for the edge now without a thought before my hand was grabbed and I was yanked back. The soldier pulled me back and put his hand on my shoulder.

“Hold steady man! We’ve already lost one guy who thought this was a trick.” He said to me leading me slowly to the edge. He pointed down into the ravine we were apparently sitting on top of. Across the rocks below ere the bloody remains of another man wearing robes. I take a second to process seeing a dead body and look at the soldier and myself. We were dressed in brown robes.
“Thanks… umm..”
“Carter. Jonathan Carter.” He answered.
“Cade Harris.” I say shaking his hand. The sound of sobs enters my ears again and visions of my wife come flooding back. I turn towards it hopefully only to be met with crushing disappointment.

“Where is my wife? Where are we?” I say starting to panic. Carter grabbed my shoulders and shook me as hard as he could now.

“Hey I’m not having both of you break down on me. Shit one of you already committed suicide. We have to man up and get back to our families! I can’t answer any of your questions, but I do plan on going home.” He said confidently. He let me go and heads back to the door and returns to kicking it. I stare at the sunrise and wonder how long I’ve been here and if my wife was okay. The sobs break my train of thought and I head over to the small Indian woman huddled in the corner.
“Hey, miss? What’s your name?” I say trying to calm her. She wipes her eyes and tries to speak now.

“Fatima kumari.” She said with a shaking voice. I hold my hand out to her and offer to help her up. She reluctantly takes it.

“Carter is right. We have to get our heads together and get out of here.” I say to her. She wipes her eyes again and nods in affirmation. The three of us pull prod and kick the hell out of this stone door for hours now. The three of us fall to the ground with our backs on the stone door now exhausted, frustrated and starting to get hungry.
The sun was high in the sky now, the only things we’ve learned this far was we were devoid of all technology. Carter was on his third deployment and has seen actual combat. Fatima was a pediatrician, and didn’t want to die a virgin. Lastly, I was sadly resulting to coming up with jokes that started with “A white guy, Black guy, and Indian girl walk into a bar…” in an effort to not break down in tears.

“Okay Carter we’ve done everything how the hell do we get out of here?” I asked now growing angry.

“I thinking man. What I wouldn’t give for some explosives right now.” He said before cursing under his breath. Fatima sat quietly wiping her eyes and fighting more tears. I thought about my wife and stood up. My body was moving on its own, because I didn’t have the energy to do this.
“I’m coming to you my Sunrise.” I growl as I place both my palms on the stone door. Carter stood up behind me with Fatima following suit.
“Just take a break man. You’re gonna pass out if you continue.” He said to me.
“He’s right, we haven’t had any food or water, continuing can be dangerous.” Fatima says now.
“Listen to the doctor. Even though she isn’t the least bit winded. How?” Carter asks now. She looks at him just as baffled. She realized at that moment she wasn’t tired in the least. Not hungry or thirsty.
“I’m getting out of this prison!” I yell at the door now. I heard them say word of caution but I was tuning them out as I muster all I could into pushing he door. That feeling from before creepy out of my core. That power welled up and I started wishing this door could be open. It was standing in between me and my wife filling me with rage. The powers radiated to my extremities now and the ground around me trembled.

“Hey what are you doing?” Carter yelled startled now. The ground cracked between his legs and he jumped towards Fatima.

“Let. Us. Out!” I yelled and a surge of power erupted from my body blowing the door to pieces. A smile crept across my face as the weakness set in and I started to fall. Both Carter and Fatima catch me and keep me on my feet.

“Stay with us!” Fatima says worried.
“Holy shit bro!” Carter exclaims in a mixture of awe and pride.
“Let’s get out of here.” I say weakly to them. Without another word we start walking through the path of rubble I created into the unknown.

My brother’s keeper 

I am my brother’s keeperA broad term we’ve made much deeper/

Times like this bring about rage/

But I will always be here to help you turn that page/

It’s okay to miss that angel of love/

But be happy that hero is soaring above/

If you need my shoulder can carry tears/

My ears can bear your fears/

You are allowed any emotion whether shallow or deeper/

I’ll defend that right, because I’m my brother’s keeper

-Poetic Ice

Much love to my brother and his family!

Growing Pains Pt.2: the Eternal Morning

For all those who actually read my blog when I update it I’m sorry for not posting this all at once. I really can’t write it all down without being over come with emotion and mentally shutting down. I do this to grow and honor the man who stood before me so I will push beyond it and finish, thank you!!!

Continues from the previous post:

After having an amazing dinner after an amazing graduation ceremony my father and I parted ways after exchanging the words “I Love You” to each other. As every day goes by I value this memory more and more because it’s the last thing I ever heard my father say. 

My wife and I stayed up a little while longer watching movies and editing footage of the graduation then hit the sack pretty hard.


At first I was too deep in my dream to realize it was my cousin, Doug, beating on the door.

It came again,


My wife and I woke with a sense of urgency and rushed for the door. By the time I got there he was down the hall already. He came rushing back at my call and my heart began to race. My cousin is a man who when dealing with me has always had a cool head, even tone unless I piss him off. He is my big brother basically and always protected me. But in this moment for the first time in life I saw that he didn’t have the strength to do so. His voice cracked as he spoke to me. With each break in his voice I had to swallow back fear and anxiety.

“Uncle Roy had a seizure, so auntie called me to help get him up. He wasn’t coming out of it so we called the paramedics. GET DOWNSTAIRS ITS NOT LOOKING GOOD!” He said with fearful urgency. I turned and finish getting dressed and my wife and I followed him downstairs. 

All I remember from this point was my heart was gripped with anxiety and I knew it was early in the morning, the sun hadn’t risen yet. My family was pacing about downstairs and paramedics were in my parents room. I was ushered in to find my mom on the bed shaking with worry. My sister pacing but not going too far and saying “C’mon Daddy” to try and bring him out of the seizure state. The last thing threw me into a state of shock and/or awareness.

Everything around me began to bleed together except for the image of the paramedics trying their hardest via CPR to recesitate my father as he lay on the floor of the bathroom, lifeless. That’s such a jarring thing to see especially when your mind works the way mine does. I’ve earned my degree in biology, and been working in Veterinary medicine for over 5 years so I’ve picked up on a few things. So now in this moment I’m picking up on words such as cardiac arrest, no pulse detected, epinephrine isn’t working… and so on and so forth. It only got worse when I see my sister and mother holding on to a hope of him shaking this off. The moment I saw my dad there on the ground I locked eyes with him and forced myself to stand by his side and fight back tears. 

The first responders worked tirelessly for over 30 minutes trying their best to bring my dad back. They never stopped with their chest compressions the entire time. I never moved from that spot. My cousin Doug tried to get me to move away from the situation and I refused. My wife kept checking up on me, but I wouldn’t let her take me away. I barely blinked as I stared at them working. I stood firm as I fought back the urge to scream and cry out for him. I fought back the urge to jump in and perform chest compressions myself. I just didn’t move at all. This moment became an eternal morning, a hell in and of itself as my entire family suffered in hopes of hearing my father laugh about this later.

Hope… a funny thing really. Sometimes hope in the face of education and realization is nothing but a harmful ideal. It was for me in that moment. I knew my dad wasn’t getting up. I knew that the chest compressions would have worked by now if they were going to. I knew that they pulled some fluid out of his air way but I don’t know how much. I knew I was not going to leave him on that floor alone, and I knew my daddy was gone. Even with all that I knew, I still hoped. I hoped I was wrong. I hoped he would get up and we’d take him home. I hoped that eventually we’d build another grill together. I hoped we have more arm wrestling competitions and make more mix cds. I hoped he would one day see my first child if I was ever that lucky to have one. I hoped… I hurt… I still hurt…

The head paramedic finally after a long battle decided it was a loss. He was pissed off, spouting “I knew this wasn’t a damn seizure!” He was angry with the world at his defeat. He took off his gloves and looked at his watch then called out the time of death and I went blank to the world around me. I didn’t see anyone else but my lifeless dad on the cold bathroom floor. I wanted to go to him but he paramedics told me I wasn’t allowed to touch him until the coroner came. Simultaneously it was announced to my mother and sister that he was gone from this world and I became aware of my mom on the bed when she cried out. My mother and sister are strong people, the strongest of women, so I rarely see them cry. But seeing their tears that day felt like someone running my heart through over and over again as I choke on my blood. I couldn’t do anything for them, I wanted nothing more than to comfort them. But I couldn’t move. I wouldn’t move from my dad’s side. I wasn’t allowed to touch him. It I was going to be near him.

After waiting another eternity for the coroner to get there he performed his exam of my dad and gave us his cause of death in his opinion. It was a heart attack he deduced until further investigation. After he was done I finally spoke again, asking him, damn near weakly begging him to be able to take my dad’s watch off of him. My dad always wore this watch, it was Many, MANY years old. I needed to take it and keep it. To me it was like keeping him with me. Another piece of my hero that I could preserve. A watch I wanted protected more than life itself. After transportation came they readied him for transport and rolled him out on a stretcher. One of the hardest things I’d ever watched was to see them carry him down that hall and through the doors. Watching my sister cry as she was held by my brother-in-law is another pain in my heart I’ll never forget.

At this point none of us are really talking, and I’m sure my family really thought I was a heartless asshole at this moment because I didn’t cry. In fact I wouldn’t cry, I blatantly refused to cry because I felt I needed to be strong for my mother and sister. I willed my self into a perfectly stoic wall and tried to be there for everyone. So, I’m sorry to my family who reads this for that moment if you thought I was heartless, I was just trying to be strong. The key word is trying. My wife, my rock, could see that I didn’t need to try right now and got me back to our room once things were somewhat settled.

She tried to comfort me, talk to me and get me to talk back. She knows I will bottle things up until it sickens me. So I got to talking about my last conversation with my dad and that stoic wall broke. I just remember feeling immensely weak, like my soul would leave my flesh if it wasn’t for my wife holding me as I crumbled to pieces. Tears left my eyes with such ferocity as if offended that I held them back. I cried, I yelled, I felt utterly helpless and like an abandoned child. I just didn’t know how to process this event, this loss. My wife just held me, crying as hard as I was. My dad was a dad to her too, they bonded immediately and this crushed her, but because of me she held it all back because she wanted to be strong for me. I love her more than I can ever quantify for the admirable strength she has. I don’t remember much more from this moment on, I’m sure I cried myself to sleep in my wife’s arms. But there was no rest to be had…
To be continued