Tag Archives: Loss

The Father and The Son

The father and the son
I watched you

From behind

Then over your shoulder

Then from your side

You pushed me

To step ahead of you

You infused me with

Pride

Sarcasm

Empathy 

Determination

You made me into the chosen on

The only one

Proudly I hold the title of only son

I fought for your name

I wear it across my heart

But am I worthy?

You were a deity 

Moving earth

Wielding flames

Controlling the sky

You were a king

Your orders rang through the halls

Our castle shook at your power

Am I worthy?

The prince who was promised 

That’s how you treated me

The prince destined for greatness

That’s what you told me

The prince with no choice to prosper

That’s what I am.

No that’s what I was

Now I have to brandish the crown

As a king

 I have to stand tall as you make the angels sing

No choice but to make you proud

Are you watching

No choice but to go farther

Will you be watching

No choice but to succeed

I know you’re watching 

I can see you every time I look in the mirror 

Its like you never left me

That’s why I clench my fists in rage sometimes

I am you

You are me

We are one

The father and the son

Seraphim of theft

The angel of death

More like the seraphim of theft 

You stole from me you omnipotent crook

Leaving my soul shook

But I’ve had time to cry 

I’m no longer shy

I’m standing firm to ask you why?

And with all the rage in me wish I could make you die!

Since I know I can’t rewrite the past

It won’t be swift and fast

You stole my family, in heaven they’ll stay

But it’s long been time for you to pay!

Brandish your scythe and raise it high

Prepare thy self specter the end is nigh 

As I put on brass knuckles I wonder if you draw breath

Only because I want to watch it leave you as I beat you to death!

There isn’t one molecule in you I don’t want to obliterate

With ever ounce of power I can generate 

I’d battle you not knowing if I could succeed

But I wouldn’t be pleased until I see you bleed

I’d feed your blood to the earth

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, truly a sacrifice of some worth

I know I’m venting for clarity

But I hope the angel of death suffers for all eternity.
Poetic ice

Rain tears

Crying in the rain 

Only so I can scream with the thunder 

Set flames with the lightning

So my soul can be smothered with ashes

Vision clouded with the haze of storm clouds

My world shaken by deaths quake

Alive feeling like dying

Dying yet drawing breath 

A part of my heart beat

My essences and my DNA

Stolen from me in a horrific way 

I feel as ash is the worth of my soul

Forever feeling pain as sharp as lightning 

My heart howls with the despair of thunder

As I cry in the rain
-Poetic Ice

The Holiday Spirit

broken-christmas

The Holiday Spirit has long since taken form

Not only becoming sentient but sadistic

Becoming an unholy menace enveloping you in a storm

Inducing emotions that corrosive and caustic

 

The Holiday Spirit has long since become malicious

Twisting your jolly joy into sadness and torment

Choosing now to abscond with your loved ones in ways most vicious

Making sure every time you see the colors of red and green you only lament

 

The Holiday Spirit has long since become a heinous being

Taking you through Hell, making you lose faith in Heaven

The loss would make you want to go on unseeing

Laughing manically as you even wondering if there is even a sentience in Heaven

 

The Holiday Spirit has long since forsaken us

It’s lost its luster, leaving a dark around your soul

Mourning our woeful losses is the holiday’s plan for us

The Holidays are a punishment meant to leave you less than whole

 

-Poetic Ice

Angels rejoice, mortals mourn 

How are you supposed to feel

When the angels rejoice and the mortals mourn/

The seraphim welcome new members with zeal/

Yet the mortals aren’t to wallow in they scorn/

Their loved one is now free of pain

Yet I can’t look up and smile

The best I can do is yell your name as I cry in the rain/

Recovery is going to take a while

Powerless, devoid of strength, weak/

A piece of your heart has ascended

Knowing you can’t perpetuate life can make one meek/

Death puts cracks your hearts armor no matter how well defended/

Now the heavenly host has two saints looking down on us/

I should take comfort in that when I look up/

But I’d rather have you with us

Is that an idea so corrupt?

I’m just saying I miss you

But I’ve yet to say it aloud

If I do I accept life without you

I should man up and make you proud/

But I’m not strong enough yet I need time/

You would say things happen when the lord wills them

Normally that would quail my mind/

But it brings me rage and sadness and honestly I blame him/

I know that’s wrong

But it’s my emotions at the most raw/

I’m sorry lord but for now that’s my song/

A hurt hymn that calms my quivering jaw/

I’m searching for my solace as the angels rejoice/

Crying angrily as the mortals mourn/

It’s a part of life I must accept with no choice/

I miss my angels, and I’m torn…
Pray for us…. 

Things Vet Techs Don’t Like Volume 12

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It’s me Poetic Ice again, and this volume isn’t like the others. It’s more serious. Every technician has probably been through this and understands what this post is about. With that said, let’s get into it.

Loss of a loved one

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The cute little five year old rug rat pictured above is my own Dachshund named Diva. The queen of cuddles, the craver of chicken, and the  bane of bath time! My dachshund was never a dog, she didn’t get the memo. She was a person who had an enormous amount of hair.

I got her from my sister after my then fiancee begged, pleaded, and finally convinced me to get her. She was the first serious mutual commitment we had together. She meant the world to us. She also came at a time when I was taking vet assistant classes so she was my study buddy/test dummy. I learned a lot with this pup at my side.  After getting into the Veterinary profession and learning a lot about our long friend I took every possible measure to prevent her from having any kind of back issue. I gave her plenty of controlled (safe) exercise, gave her a good diet to prevent excessive weight gain, and TRIED to prevent her from jumping on everything possible. For five years I had this battle won. She was the healthiest little runt around.

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But a couple weeks ago my word changed, as my efforts proved all for naught. I to this day don’t know how my puppy was hurt, but she must have had an accident outside playing because she started showing signs of Intervertebral Disc Disease. Her back was hunched and she couldn’t lift her head up. I took her to my job to get her examined and the diagnosis was made. The normal treatment track was taken then. Muscle relaxers, steroids, and pain medications. Strict cage rest and leash walks only. For the next three weeks we played the awful game of wait and see. Every day she would either scream in pain all day, or seem like she’s getting better. All the while no matter how much pain she was in she would wag her tail and be happy to see my wife and I. No matter how my pup felt she was trying to he happy for us. This made it all the more worse being a Vet Tech. I knew nothing short of a surgery I couldn’t afford would help her, but I’ve seen pets take this route and improve. That just wasn’t the case this time.

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Her condition kept worsening so my wife and I made the hardest decision we’ve ever had to. We brought her to my job to be relieved of her suffering. Thanks to my amazing coworkers this was easier, but it was still hard. It was hard as hell to do. I’ve done this process from the other side for years, and have probably become somewhat desensitized. That scar tissue of desensitization was ripped off and I was a fresh open wound of emotion again. My wife and I are still reeling from the event. I’ve even been affected at work. I witnessed an emergency humane euthanasia, and felt like I was going through it all over again. Whatever edge I had over the years is gone currently. The pit of my stomach held a feeling I couldn’t understand until writing this. It was a feeling of despair from not being able to save my own pet, yet I clock in everyday to do just that for others. But that isn’t it, it’s the despair fighting against my passion for this job, and the love I had for my own lovable Diva.  It’s a moment of intense sadness that’s combating against years of joyful memories and experiences. sadness and despair that will turn to lessons in life, and won’t leave me defeated for too long. My Diva wouldn’t want that, if she found me like this she be busy shoving her wet nose in my face and licking me non-stop.

But it still hurts… and It’s one major thing Vet Techs Don’t Like.

-Poetic Ice

-If you have experienced a loss of a loved one, my heart goes out to you. I pray you get through your dark times, I hope we get through them together.

 

Angel Sweet Angel

Angel sweet angel

your love will remain with me forever

you’ve returned home but our ties did not sever

I can feel you looking down from above

with tears in my eyes, I’m still happy to have known your love

My angel sweet angel

The lord has recalled one of his best

you deserve this blissful rest

This hurt will pass, another of life’s rain

happily flap your wings knowing we’ll overcome this pain

My angel sweet angel

Just know you’ll forever be missed

because of your presence the Heaven’s have been kissed

I’m glad your soul is now with God and pain free

You’ll forever be loved and missed auntie…

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