Rise up and rage against your pet peeves fellow vet techs and populace alike!!! It’s me again your friendly neighborhood Spiderman Vet Tech here with some things that just get on my nerves.

Cage and Kennel Aggression

Let’s start simple this time around. I know I’ve written about this before. But as with many things in this field it comes up often. So, as the title says it’s about a form of aggression that is brought about by simply placing an animal in a cage or kennel. You may not see the rage when you put them in the cage/kennel, but when you go to get them out for any reason that’s when you meet the personification of a rage-filled Shit storm! Nothing is worse and more of a betrayal than a dog that you were just loving on twenty minutes ago now is trying to maul your leg off because you are trying to get them out of a kennel. Usually the door is slammed shut instantaneously as a self-preservation technique then the animal is more angered that you hindered its escape, and now you’re enraged by the new threat you didn’t perceive a moment before. Adrenaline now coursing through both combatants as you now go to your education and experience to use one of your many techniques to get Fido out of the kennel.

The worse situation is a cornered diabetic (doesn’t have to be) cat that woke up that morning wanting to take a life with its bare claws. Not only do they swat your advances with the precision of a shaolin monk fused with a world class boxer, but they have the rage of a wolverine in the small space and the need to lunge at you. For you it’s your job, for them it’s Death before Dishonor!!! I love my Job.

Invincible Hair

*Taps mic*

Is this thing on? Oh it is? Good.

*clears throat*

AAAAAAAAAAAAaaAAAAAAaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !*!&#*@*&&!**#*$*(%(%($(*****

Excuse me, I just had to get that out. I know I speak for every person on the planet who has been in the present of an animal with hair for more than a few minutes. I know I’m speaking especially to veterinary professionals. I CAN’T STAND INVINCIBLE HAIRS. I say invincible as in nothing that you can do in this reality will free you from it. Let me explain. As a Vet Tech one of our many jobs is to prep a wound/surgical site for the doctor to get in there and do what’s necessary to send the pet home happy. So we have to clip and clean the area. Now we use clippers to shave up all the hair and we take special precautions to not get that hair into the surgical site/wound. Yet, no matter how much care we take there is a stray bastard hair in your field. No amount of flushing or scrubbing frees it. You end up tweezing it or rage quitting. Whichever comes first will do.

Let’s not forget the result of restraining a hairy cat or dog and leaving with a new fur coat that you didn’t ask for. So the powers that be gifted us with the Lint Roller. It will always, and I mean always remove 97.4 percent of the hair from your scrubs. The other 2.6 percent will nonchalantly hang out on your scrub top until you want your lunch or something to drink. Then it will kamikaze dive into your food or beverage and find the spot in the back of your throat or just hang on the corner of your lip. Not only is this disgusting and horrifying you instantly remember every medical problem this pet has ever had. The flashes of the hotspots you’ve cleaned, the demodex mites you’ve seen, oh dear lord the smeared anal glands in dogs fur that you’ve cleaned. All of it is now in your mouth and on your chest. I hate invincible hair.

Hypochondriacs

Disclaimer: I in no way shape or form don’t like or am against people who suffer from the mental illness/condition of Hypochondriasis. This condition is where a person worries about having a serious illness. This is a debilitating condition where a person has a skewed perception about their condition of their body or mind, but in actuality they don’t have any illnesses.

The problem that vet techs have are with the hypochondriacs that put the illnesses on their pets. Now if you see symptoms and that causes worry, that’s understandable. But when you come in and yell at us because your dog scratched itself for 2.5 seconds it now has Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) and a zombie parasite from a post-apocalyptic future, we get understandably pissed. We hate that you try to force your beliefs upon us. We try our hardest to convince you that your dog isn’t going to melt or be consumed by flesh eating microscopic monster, but it’s an uphill battle. Seriously, if you suffer from hypochondriasis then seek help from professionals.

For more information about Hypochondriasis you can go to the Mayo Clinic’s website: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/illness-anxiety-disorder/basics/definition/con-20124064

This is my two cents about things that drive us nuts. Please feed your vet techs before midnight, and don’t get them wet.