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The Candy Shop is an urban drama set in the fictional city of Chamberlyn, New York. Jordan Jones is a young black woman who is the object of many a man’s fantasy is working hard to finish college during the day and as a stripper at night for The Candy Shop Strip Club to provide for her three year old son, Grey. With very few friends to rely on and a basically nonexistent family she’s become skeptical of the world, and very cut off. She wears sarcasm and a bad attitude like body armor as she deals with the criticisms of the world. The father of her child is a successful lawyer who is more underhanded than he seems to the public, and he’ll stop at nothing to achieve his goals. But a messed up family and a demented baby daddy are the least of her problems as a new sinister figure moves into town to take over the seedy underbelly and sets his sights on her. Sex, drugs, and danger leave very little room for love, but even love finds Jordan Jones in Chamberlyn, New York. Welcome to The Chamberlyn Chronicles
Wow, volume 18 huh? we’ve come a long way from a bored Technician ranting two years ago haven’t we? Maybe I should stop, I have matured a lot and grown into a stronger, more patient man and I’m sure you’ve all grown with me…. Grown to the point of confusion and rage at times by the things we encounter… Yeah, no change on that front so the volumes must continue! Let’s get into it shall we, I welcome you to The Boarding Edition
Okay so let’s begin this journey with the most common boarder you will ever encounter in this field. The Barker. This is the dog that is in the kennel whom is a master of sheer destruction via sound waves. Once they enter your facility this beast will never stop barking. Whether it’s high pitched yips or low baritone Woofs, this dog will bark for the duration of its stay at your kennel. This poor beast doesn’t even stop barking to sleep. So since this beast won’t sleep you assume it will stop barking to eat. You are wrong, you naïve fool, so wrong! No meal or treat will stop this dog from singing you the song of its people. After about 8 hours of this The Barker goes through a transformation that takes their bark to the next level. It now barks with enough passion, power, and volume to summon Christ himself. Bless your eardrums.
The Fearful One
This poor unfortunate soul has the title The Fearful One. Nothing makes your job in veterinary medicine more aggravating and dangerous than a fearful. A fearful pet is more likely to get extremely desperate and attack to garner its freedom from you. In the case of boarding, fearful dogs and cats cower into the corners of their cages. I’m talking about an impossibly small ball in the impossibly cramped corner of the cage. All in hopes that it was an accident that you opened their kennel. Once the realization sets in that you meant to do this they activate their next line of defense, excrement. Submissive urination, defecation and emesis from being overly worked up is all a possibility with an extremely fearful dog. Once you breach their second line of defense and clean up the mess their third and final option becomes clear in their mind. It’s a two-parter as well. First these dogs have mastered fear biting and will use it at will if provoked enough, second once they have bit or snapped at you they will escape by any means necessary. Remember this dog isn’t biting you to kill you, it’s doing so to make an opening for escape. These pets aren’t truly aggressive just terrified of you.
This class of boarder is known as The Junkie, or at least by the time you are done with your shift you feel that way about them. This pet is usually at or over geriatric age and has been given a diagnosis that will result in death were it not for the miracle of modern medicine. When you work for a facility that offers medical boarding you are a godsend to those owners who don’t trust a pet sitter to give medications, so take pride in what you do. But, that doesn’t mean we aren’t aggravated by the fact that your P has 7-8 different medications all given at varying dosing times, which are staggered throughout the day and not given together in any way shape or form! My god why can’t they all be given together (If possible lol)? Now every thirty minutes we’re medicating your dog. We don’t mind, but if your pet doesn’t want the pill, we have to use a pill pocket. If they don’t want that we try to hide it in wet dog food. If that fails we enter into a UFC brawl with the pet, putting them in some form of headlock that allows us to pry open their overly powerful jaws to shove a pill down their throat. This method results in one of two options: The dog bites you either by accident or on purpose because we are essentially gagging them for a moment. The second option is that pet NO LONGER trusts us and feels betrayed by our actions making each dosing after that harder. That look of disappointment and disdain afterwards just makes you feel sooo bad, but you remember that he has 72 more pills to take and you don’t feel so bad anymore.
The Apex Predator
Okay in the mind of an overly creative imaginative vet tech such as myself this is the scenario that plays in my head when it comes to The Apex Predator: The owner of this dog stops at the door and kneels down to whisper into their ear and casts a spell of true malice and malevolence while “Eye of The Tiger” plays softly in the background. As the spell is casts the ancient spirits of prehistoric wolves, velociraptors, and your elementary school bully now possess this dog making him the most demonic thing you will ever encounter in your working life. The Apex Predator enters your facility in pure rebellion of your kennel. It matters not who they see, they will bite/claw/maim all that are unfortunate enough to pass them. They exhibit multiple forms of aggression. Cage aggression, kennel aggression, dog aggression, male aggression, there was a breeze aggression, I hear a voice aggression, you have a mother and father aggression, all of them. It’s safe to say that this pet was a T-rex in its past life. When the owner comes to pick up the spell is broken and they become extremely cuddly towards you and everyone around you. This cast the illusion that he was like this for his entire stay. This then prompts the owner to schedule another visit with your facility, YAY!!! But, they only try to do it when you work, NOOOOOOO!!!!
This is plain and simple. The Cat isn’t a complicated boarder, but it can be the most exhausting of the lot. Cats are either sweet cuddly balls of fur that you love to rub on and give attention while they stay with you. Or they are dark malicious phantasms born of fire, brimstone, hate and dragon’s piss! Sent fourth from the bowels of hell to render your mind, body, and soul null and void as it reigns down its unholy terror upon you. All just to feast on what remains of your dried up husk of a vet tech simply because it was mad at the fact that it was brought to your kennel. Yup, simple indeed. A purr angel, or Lucifer’s left nut, that’s what you get with cats.
But that’s just my two cent on the matter. Remember these are just the over simplifications and exaggerations of what we do at the job for satirical purposes. Not a direct reflection of any facility. Except the cat part… that’s just life.
A time comes in a techs life when they honestly lose their sanity and contemplate a few things:
2. Blackout rage
3. Rage filled rant
So the public is lucky we choose number three more often than not. Let’s get into it again!
They make my soul itch! I repeat the over abundance of this parasitic pest on a pet/me MAKES MY SOUL ITCH!!!! Oh my god this is straight out of a horror movie. You part fur and a sea of jumping demons flee the pet and invade your clinic and YOUR body! It’s inevitable, when you start to eradicate the demons they flee to you, in your clothes, in your hair, in your facial hair, in your shoes, IN. YOUR. SOUL! Think about that …. Fleas all over you, jumping and biting…. You’re welcome for that dark image.
This is How You Do Your Job
I think I’ve covered this but I had a situation recently that opened this wound up. A client wields this power in their minds that tell them they can walk into your establishment and change your entire protocol and policies. This includes pricing, and what staff will be present for their services. So as a vet tech we wield this actual power called Reality. Once we use it on said delusional infidel they lose their minds and become demons that rain down their dragon breath of “I’m not paying this, or you’ll give this medication without a diagnostic test or an exam because I said so!” Oh and my personal favorite “With all the money I spent in this place…”
That last phrase is a kicker for me. You may be a “good” client but your contribution doesn’t pay the clinics bills in its entirety. Stop acting like you are buying stock in the clinic with every visit. Don’t come into a vet clinic and tell people how to do their jobs and for what price they are going to do it it’s rude, infuriating, and it’s not going to help you situation in the long run.
Let’s take a moment to acknowledge our loved ones that we have lost over the years. Let’s send love to the love ones we have sent over the rainbow bridge. Let’s shed the tears for the furry sons, daughters, brothers, and sisters that we have lost. Tears. They will fall profusely like a broken faucet with the water pressure turned up. But I hate them so, lord knows I do, but we techs and veterinarians cry the hardest when we lose family. Each tear is a memory of love, learning, happiness, and even rage we’ve had with the family we lost. The tears water log our hearts and try to drown us in sorrow, but we have a duty to our loved ones. It’s now more than ever they want us to smile and remember the love they chose to share with us. They are wagging their tails/nubs or purring away at the thought of the love they left you with. If you are reading this then I know your pain and I’m here for you. We Hate tears!!! But the sorrow is temporary. The love is eternal.
Be strong and the smile will return, I promise
That link will lead you to the Amazon page of my book, check it out and tell me what you think of the preview
Why is it that people are posting “debunking” videos or going out of their way to insist “black loves matter” is wrong…. These facts about other races being killed are public record and accessible to anyone, that’s not the point of it all. We know which demographic has more deaths… We also know what demographic makes up a larger portion of the population do the number of those killed would be proportionately larger than those of black races. Black lives matter isn’t a rally cry to say “Hey, I’m black and my life matters, not yours.” It’s a yell out to the world that Black lives haven’t mattered and we want you to see that it does just as much as yours! Black lives matter doesn’t need to be debunked. It needs to be taken just as seriously as all other lives. The loss of life for senseless reasons is the loss of sentience. Even animals don’t kill for the sake of killing, it’s for a reason.
So yes I will post Black lives matter and not feel ashamed or like I’m saying something against other races. I will continue to denounce the debunking of “black lives matter” and question the motives of those who feel the need to post such things to these social media vehicles.
I was raised by a family who went through the happiness and hell of the 60’s 70’s and so on. They taught me to see character not color, even though they lived in a time that could have easily molded them into racial hate mongers. I implore you to do the same and not get bogged down by the words Black Lives Matter.
Love you all,
LeTavious “Poetic Ice” Hemingway, a man who wants to see the end of violence and the birth of colorblind love!