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Things Vet Techs Don’t Like: Volume 18

Wow, volume 18 huh? we’ve come a long way from a bored Technician ranting two years ago haven’t we? Maybe I should stop, I have matured a lot and grown into a stronger, more patient man and I’m sure you’ve all grown with me…. Grown to the point of confusion and rage at times by the things we encounter… Yeah, no change on that front so the volumes must continue! Let’s get into it shall we, I welcome you to The Boarding Edition

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The Barker

Okay so let’s begin this journey with the most common boarder you will ever encounter in this field. The Barker. This is the dog that is in the kennel whom is a master of sheer destruction via sound waves. Once they enter your facility this beast will never stop barking. Whether it’s high pitched yips or low baritone Woofs, this dog will bark for the duration of its stay at your kennel. This poor beast doesn’t even stop barking to sleep. So since this beast won’t sleep you assume it will stop barking to eat. You are wrong, you naïve fool, so wrong! No meal or treat will stop this dog from singing you the song of its people. After about 8 hours of this The Barker goes through a transformation that takes their bark to the next level. It now barks with enough passion, power, and volume to summon Christ himself. Bless your eardrums.

The Fearful One

This poor unfortunate soul has the title The Fearful One. Nothing makes your job in veterinary medicine more aggravating and dangerous than a fearful. A fearful pet is more likely to get extremely desperate and attack to garner its freedom from you. In the case of boarding, fearful dogs and cats cower into the corners of their cages. I’m talking about an impossibly small ball in the impossibly cramped corner of the cage. All in hopes that it was an accident that you opened their kennel. Once the realization sets in that you meant to do this they activate their next line of defense, excrement. Submissive urination, defecation and emesis from being overly worked up is all a possibility with an extremely fearful dog. Once you breach their second line of defense and clean up the mess their third and final option becomes clear in their mind. It’s a two-parter as well. First these dogs have mastered fear biting and will use it at will if provoked enough, second once they have bit or snapped at you they will escape by any means necessary. Remember this dog isn’t biting you to kill you, it’s doing so to make an opening for escape. These pets aren’t truly aggressive just terrified of you.

The Junkie

This class of boarder is known as The Junkie, or at least by the time you are done with your shift you feel that way about them. This pet is usually at or over geriatric age and has been given a diagnosis that will result in death were it not for the miracle of modern medicine. When you work for a facility that offers medical boarding you are a godsend to those owners who don’t trust a pet sitter to give medications, so take pride in what you do. But, that doesn’t mean we aren’t aggravated by the fact that your P has 7-8 different medications all given at varying dosing times, which are staggered throughout the day and not given together in any way shape or form! My god why can’t they all be given together (If possible lol)? Now every thirty minutes we’re medicating your dog. We don’t mind, but if your pet doesn’t want the pill, we have to use a pill pocket. If they don’t want that we try to hide it in wet dog food. If that fails we enter into a UFC brawl with the pet, putting them in some form of headlock that allows us to pry open their overly powerful jaws to shove a pill down their throat. This method results in one of two options: The dog bites you either by accident or on purpose because we are essentially gagging them for a moment. The second option is that pet NO LONGER trusts us and feels betrayed by our actions making each dosing after that harder. That look of disappointment and disdain afterwards just makes you feel sooo bad, but you remember that he has 72 more pills to take and you don’t feel so bad anymore.

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The Apex Predator

Okay in the mind of an overly creative imaginative vet tech such as myself this is the scenario that plays in my head when it comes to The Apex Predator: The owner of this dog stops at the door and kneels down to whisper into their ear and casts a spell of true malice and malevolence while “Eye of The Tiger” plays softly in the background. As the spell is casts the ancient spirits of prehistoric wolves, velociraptors, and your elementary school bully now possess this dog making him the most demonic thing you will ever encounter in your working life. The Apex Predator enters your facility in pure rebellion of your kennel. It matters not who they see, they will bite/claw/maim all that are unfortunate enough to pass them. They exhibit multiple forms of aggression. Cage aggression, kennel aggression, dog aggression, male aggression, there was a breeze aggression, I hear a voice aggression, you have a mother and father aggression, all of them. It’s safe to say that this pet was a T-rex in its past life. When the owner comes to pick up the spell is broken and they become extremely cuddly towards you and everyone around you. This cast the illusion that he was like this for his entire stay. This then prompts the owner to schedule another visit with your facility, YAY!!! But, they only try to do it when you work, NOOOOOOO!!!!

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The Cat

This is plain and simple. The Cat isn’t a complicated boarder, but it can be the most exhausting of the lot. Cats are either sweet cuddly balls of fur that you love to rub on and give attention while they stay with you. Or they are dark malicious phantasms born of fire, brimstone, hate and dragon’s piss! Sent fourth from the bowels of hell to render your mind, body, and soul null and void as it reigns down its unholy terror upon you. All just to feast on what remains of your dried up husk of a vet tech simply because it was mad at the fact that it was brought to your kennel. Yup, simple indeed. A purr angel, or Lucifer’s left nut, that’s what you get with cats.

But that’s just my two cent on the matter. Remember these are just the over simplifications and exaggerations of what we do at the job for satirical purposes. Not a direct reflection of any facility. Except the cat part… that’s just life.

-Poetic Ice

 

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Things Vet Techs Don’t Like volume 17

A time comes in a techs life when they honestly lose their sanity and contemplate a few things:

1. Mischief 

2. Blackout rage

3. Rage filled rant

So the public is lucky we choose number three more often than not. Let’s get into it again!


Flea Infestation 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They make my soul itch! I repeat the over abundance of this parasitic pest on a pet/me MAKES MY SOUL ITCH!!!! Oh my god this is straight out of a horror movie. You part fur and a sea of jumping demons flee the pet and invade your clinic and YOUR body! It’s inevitable, when you start to eradicate the demons they flee to you, in your clothes, in your hair, in your facial hair, in your shoes, IN. YOUR. SOUL! Think about that …. Fleas all over you, jumping and biting…. You’re welcome for that dark image.

This is How You Do Your Job

I think I’ve covered this but I had a situation recently that opened this wound up. A client wields this power in their minds that tell them they can walk into your establishment and change your entire protocol and policies. This includes pricing, and what staff will be present for their services. So as a vet tech we wield this actual power called Reality. Once we use it on said delusional infidel they lose their minds and become demons that rain down their dragon breath of “I’m not paying this, or you’ll give this medication without a diagnostic test or an exam because I said so!” Oh and my personal favorite “With all the money I spent in this place…”

That last phrase is a kicker for me. You may be a “good” client but your contribution doesn’t pay the clinics bills in its entirety. Stop acting like you are buying stock in the clinic with every visit. Don’t come into a vet clinic and tell people how to do their jobs and for what price they are going to do it it’s rude, infuriating, and it’s not going to help you situation in the long run.

Tears

Let’s take a moment to acknowledge our loved ones that we have lost over the years. Let’s send love to the love ones we have sent over the rainbow bridge. Let’s shed the tears for the furry sons, daughters, brothers, and sisters that we have lost. Tears. They will fall profusely like a broken faucet with the water pressure turned up. But I hate them so, lord knows I do, but we techs and veterinarians cry the hardest when we lose family. Each tear is a memory of love, learning, happiness, and even rage we’ve had with the family we lost. The tears water log our hearts and try to drown us in sorrow, but we have a duty to our loved ones. It’s now more than ever they want us to smile and remember the love they chose to share with us. They are wagging their tails/nubs or purring away at the thought of the love they left you with. If you are reading this then I know your pain and I’m here for you. We Hate tears!!! But the sorrow is temporary. The love is eternal.

Be strong and the smile will return, I promise

-Poetic Ice

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Things Vet Techs Don’t Like Volume 16

Rise up and rage against your pet peeves fellow vet techs and populace alike!!! It’s me again your friendly neighborhood Spiderman Vet Tech here with some things that just get on my nerves.


Cage and Kennel Aggression

Let’s start simple this time around. I know I’ve written about this before. But as with many things in this field it comes up often. So, as the title says it’s about a form of aggression that is brought about by simply placing an animal in a cage or kennel. You may not see the rage when you put them in the cage/kennel, but when you go to get them out for any reason that’s when you meet the personification of a rage-filled Shit storm! Nothing is worse and more of a betrayal than a dog that you were just loving on twenty minutes ago now is trying to maul your leg off because you are trying to get them out of a kennel. Usually the door is slammed shut instantaneously as a self-preservation technique then the animal is more angered that you hindered its escape, and now you’re enraged by the new threat you didn’t perceive a moment before. Adrenaline now coursing through both combatants as you now go to your education and experience to use one of your many techniques to get Fido out of the kennel.

The worse situation is a cornered diabetic (doesn’t have to be) cat that woke up that morning wanting to take a life with its bare claws. Not only do they swat your advances with the precision of a shaolin monk fused with a world class boxer, but they have the rage of a wolverine in the small space and the need to lunge at you. For you it’s your job, for them it’s Death before Dishonor!!! I love my Job.

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Invincible Hair

*Taps mic*

Is this thing on? Oh it is? Good.

*clears throat*

AAAAAAAAAAAAaaAAAAAAaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !*!&#*@*&&!**#*$*(%(%($(*****

Excuse me, I just had to get that out. I know I speak for every person on the planet who has been in the present of an animal with hair for more than a few minutes. I know I’m speaking especially to veterinary professionals. I CAN’T STAND INVINCIBLE HAIRS. I say invincible as in nothing that you can do in this reality will free you from it. Let me explain. As a Vet Tech one of our many jobs is to prep a wound/surgical site for the doctor to get in there and do what’s necessary to send the pet home happy. So we have to clip and clean the area. Now we use clippers to shave up all the hair and we take special precautions to not get that hair into the surgical site/wound. Yet, no matter how much care we take there is a stray bastard hair in your field. No amount of flushing or scrubbing frees it. You end up tweezing it or rage quitting. Whichever comes first will do.

Let’s not forget the result of restraining a hairy cat or dog and leaving with a new fur coat that you didn’t ask for. So the powers that be gifted us with the Lint Roller. It will always, and I mean always remove 97.4 percent of the hair from your scrubs. The other 2.6 percent will nonchalantly hang out on your scrub top until you want your lunch or something to drink. Then it will kamikaze dive into your food or beverage and find the spot in the back of your throat or just hang on the corner of your lip. Not only is this disgusting and horrifying you instantly remember every medical problem this pet has ever had. The flashes of the hotspots you’ve cleaned, the demodex mites you’ve seen, oh dear lord the smeared anal glands in dogs fur that you’ve cleaned. All of it is now in your mouth and on your chest. I hate invincible hair.

Hypochondriacs

Disclaimer: I in no way shape or form don’t like or am against people who suffer from the mental illness/condition of Hypochondriasis. This condition is where a person worries about having a serious illness. This is a debilitating condition where a person has a skewed perception about their condition of their body or mind, but in actuality they don’t have any illnesses.

The problem that vet techs have are with the hypochondriacs that put the illnesses on their pets. Now if you see symptoms and that causes worry, that’s understandable. But when you come in and yell at us because your dog scratched itself for 2.5 seconds it now has Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) and a zombie parasite from a post-apocalyptic future, we get understandably pissed. We hate that you try to force your beliefs upon us. We try our hardest to convince you that your dog isn’t going to melt or be consumed by flesh eating microscopic monster, but it’s an uphill battle. Seriously, if you suffer from hypochondriasis then seek help from professionals.

For more information about Hypochondriasis you can go to the Mayo Clinic’s website: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/illness-anxiety-disorder/basics/definition/con-20124064

 

This is my two cents about things that drive us nuts. Please feed your vet techs before midnight, and don’t get them wet.

 

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Things Vet Techs Don’t like volume 15


Welcome friends, family, and newcomers to my Things Vet Techs Don’t Like series. There are drinks and snacked in the corner as well as individually wrapped to go boxes of “What The F**k” ready to go home with you! Enjoy!

Can I Ask About My Other Pet? (Audience Submission)

This question is the bane of veterinary technicians and veterinarians alike. It’s not uncommon for a client to own multiple pets. It’s not uncommon to have the client bring them in for various things at separate times. It makes sense, honestly how often has everyone in your home gotten sick at the same time? Sickness happening one after the other is far more common. But, these clients who have multiple pets with multiple issues always have a lot of questions to ask. That’s all fine and dandy when you have that pet with you and the doctor can thoroughly examine them and answer the questions. It’s the select few who take it upon themselves to leave the other pet at home, but not the questions.

“Thanks for looking at Rex, but can I ask you about my other dog Nexus?” They’ll usually start off, and before the doctor or tech can respond they’ll continue,

“You know how Rex had that small little laceration? Well Nexus has something completely unrelated. He’s been having intense diarrhea, and vomiting sometimes. Some days he keeps water down, others he’s a regurgitation cannon! Some days he has solid stool, and other’s he’s a chocolate milk fountain…” And the insane story will usually continue in that fashion. Now the tech and or doctor are roped in to the situation and have to help this client as best they can. The angering part is that this is usually all the info they can muster. So, now the professionals have to explain the importance of brining in the other pets because that’s the only way to get a clear diagnosis, but they are doubling the time the doctor is in the room, and taking away from the other clients who actually brought their pet that has an appointment. For doctor’s and techs who have an extremely busy day scheduled this one appointment is enough to severely back them up. This now starts a trend of aggravated clients who are forced to wait in the lobby or in their exam rooms. This gives rise to an aggravated doctor who is stressing about getting the rest of the day done in a timely fashion. This births technicians who are pissed off because they take the assault from both ends all because this one client decided to ask about pets that aren’t present. Sounds like a bad day to me…

 

Euthanasia Etiquette

Euthanasia is a service we offer in this business when it is time to end the suffering of a pet in need. That is a part every technician has to learn how to handle and work through. It’s the “Etiquette” of it that is the troublesome thing. Remember, Veterinary medicine is a business so there will be a payment taken for this service. When we take the payment we’ve been groomed by the present day economy and good up bringing to say things like “Have a good day” , “See you soon”, “Thank you for your business”, “Come again soon”, and one of the worse phrases “Now have a good day”. I personally hate if I get caught in a trend of checking people out all day/night and then there is a euthanasia to check out. It’s awkward enough when you have a saddened often times crying client in front of you. It’s made worse when you tell the client to have a nice day. I just want to scream when I slip up and do this. I feel like a friggin fool for it. Most times clients understand your role and just move on with the process. But sometimes you get those extremely sensitive and grief stricken clients that look at you like you’re a sadistic fool. Heck after I make this kind of mistake I feel like they have the right to.

On the flip side of this I’ve had to put down two pets over the last seven months and both times I don’t know what to say to my coworkers when they try to console me or show their support. I just don’t have the proper wording and feel like an idiot when they speak to me. My coworkers will say “sorry for your loss” and I draw a blank, only replaying my last moments with my pet and can barely manage a thank you, or it’s not your fault. I just hate speaking in these moments I guess.

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(Evil!!!) Blocked Cats!

Feline kind had a meeting during the rise of the Egyptian empires of old in North Western Africa and came up with two philosophies,

  1. All of humanity is a sub species created by the almighty lord Bastet to serve all of feline kind in all aspects of life.
  2. As a feline it is your right, nay, your sworn duty to go DEFCON 1 Ape Shit Crazy ONLY when a Vet Tech/Veterinarian is attempting to place and IV/Urinary catheter in you when your urinary tract is blocked.

Since ancient times these were the philosophies that all cats large and small live by each day. So, every vet tech in modern age pretty much wants to strangle the soul out of these cats when they come into the clinic with a urinary blockage. Let me just say not all cats that have a urinary blockage are evil, and some that start off evil once they are unblocked become the nicest kitties in the world. It’s just those unapologetic unforgiving assholes of cat kind that really ruin your entire shift.

Now not only are most of your interactions you going through a Rocky Balboa fused with Wolverine style slap box match, but you’re also playing the keep the cone on the vicious faux rabid cat game. Thank god for IV medications, but my God do we curse under our breath when we have to give an oral or Sub Q injection. “What do you mean I have to touch Satan’s little helper? Person with the DVM please tell me why you hate me?” I swear something so cute and cuddly as a cat can honestly make you want to square up and brawl when they come in with this condition

But that’s just my two cents on the matter. As always there is more to come, tell me just what gets on your nerves too Comment here or hit me up on Facebook at www.facebook.com/thoughtsbypi


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Things Vet Techs Don’t Like Volume 14

There are a myriad of things in this world that just tick off vet techs. SOOO many rage inducing situations where we simply have to smile and move on to our jobs before we catch a law suit against us. Why do we do it? Because we knew going into this job we love animals and want to help them. So if you see a vet tech taking a minute to breath and calm down, let them. Know that they will still do their best for your pet, but yeah, you did piss them off.

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I’m a (Insert medical profession here) so do your job this way

Okay, I know this has been sort of mentioned before. I know my vet tech readers are familiar with this and reading the title instantly recalled a time where this has happened to them personally. For all you civilians let me break it down for you. We just love when someone comes into our clinic seeking help for their pet, but feel the need to tell us how to do our job. Some of the worst encounters we have is with medical doctors who attempt to tell you what test to run and what medications to dose out. A lot of them tend to look down upon us in the field as we aren’t doing human medicine so we aren’t really working. We’re just playing with their animals. The blatant arrogance and disrespect have definitely made me want to punch them in the face and help them eat a stethoscope or two. If you come to the office then let us do what we do, we don’t go to the hospital and tell you what you should be doing.

 

You probably CAN’T answer this question, but…

This phrase before a question will set my fuse off instantly. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t claim to know everything in the world. I’m not that arrogant. But I do take my job seriously and have the education to back it that makes me able to either answer or find an answer for a client. Hearing a client say “you probably can’t answer this question, but” before asking something that is usually a fairy easy question to answer. This phrase is heard every once and a while, and that is to be expected. The truly irritating thing is when one client will use it multiple times in one visit. Like for every single question they have to ask you when the doctor isn’t around. Just because technicians aren’t doctors doesn’t mean they are idiots meant to fill space in the clinic. Give us some freaking credit.

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Adherence to policy means you don’t care about animals

Veterinary hospitals go through spells where it seems like every third client will be one in a horrible predicament; their pet will be in dire immediate need of our various services and they will be lacking in the funds necessary to pay for the treatment. I know I’ve brought this up before, but it’s a repetitive thing in my business. It’s also been happening a lot lately for me personally. I bring it up not because of that, but because of the argument that comes after it as of late.

“So, because I don’t have all the money right now you’re just going to let my dog die?”

“You don’t have a payment plan? You don’t care about animals, it’s all about the money for you!”

“I don’t have that kind of money, I’ll just use a bullet instead!”

“This whole business is just a rip off. Nothing you do for an animal should cost that much.”

“You are the devil! You’re supposed to help out of the kindness of your heart, but that’s just a lie isn’t it?”

 

I could go on, but you get the point. Vet techs hate this aspect of the job, but after a while you become so desensitized that it barely fazes you anymore. You know you have to do what you can with what you have to help the animal that’s in need. If you don’t have the funds then you can’t do the test and/or administer medications or surgery. We know that in these times of dire need emotions are running high and tempers flare easily, so we try to keep the situation calm and get the client either out of the door or into a room so we can get to work on the patient. But just know we are pissed off beyond belief because we get truly tired, exhausted from hearing just how evil we are for working at a business. Take a look at the word business there. Do you know what’s required to keep the lights on at a business, to buy the supplies/tools necessary to do the business, employ the staff to work the front and back of said business, to advertise it, to manage it, and last but not least pay the doctors to treat your pets at the business? Money. Money is the requirement, just like at any other business. So why the F**K is that so hard to believe in veterinary medicine? Only the Lord will ever know…….

 

*Takes deep breath* rant over…. This is just my 2 cents on the matter. See you soon!

Poetic Ice

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Things Vet Techs volume 13

I’ve reached lucky number 13 of the Things Vet Techs Don’t Like series!!! Thanks for sticking around thus far. You guys/gals are the real MVPs.

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The first point I’d like to make is comical. It’s funny That this even happened in real life, but let’s get to it.

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1. The Preganancy Test Came Back Negative.
Pregnancy is a thing that can be detected easily and early in humans thanks to pregancy tests. They can be bought at almost all convenience stores and even the Dollar Tree. They relay results in a matter of seconds, to and for humans. They can be of aid in life planning, to humans. Sadly, they don’t work on canines and felines… no, nope, sorry, no can do…
W. T. F.
When a client comes in due to their pet having pregancy complications the staff gets into a rush to save the life of your pet and its offspring. We gather a history and go over the price of radiography and possible surgery if it comes to that. All standard procedure, but we get understandably thrown off by you telling us that your home pregancy test came up negative for your pet so you didn’t think this was a possibility. I think I cried laughing when I heard about this. I can’t even with sentient humanity sometimes..

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2. In dog years?
Okay I’d like to think normal sane people with common sense read my blog. Well as sane as us veterinary professionals get anyway. With that said I’m going to ask you a question that I want you to answer without hesitation.

How old is your dog?
See, not complicated right. You answered it mentally without a second thought right. You, like most of the world said “blank” years old. Well we as vet tech’s don’t like when clients come in and retort to the question with, “In dog years?”. (Insert angry face here, preferably one with fangs and fire)
We didn’t ask for that, nor would we ever. It only gets worse when someone gets mentally constipated and can’t calculate it so they get anxious as if now they have signed their dogs death certificate. “I don’t know, I’ve never done The math… wait, hold on I’ll tell you… it’s…. I don’t know” Is what happens next. Its okay that You don’t know, we don’t need it, but don’t bog us down with that As we gather info on your pet. “In dog years” depends on a dog’s breed/size and living situation anyway. Its age determines the protocols we use on it, The actual approximation/conversion isn’t necessary, but it is fun to know.

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3. Self Entitled Pricks
The title says it all, and any vet tech, office manager, and veterinarian can understand it without elaboration. But since I have “civilians” that read this I’ll go into it. Veterinary professionals work in this business knowing that the will encounter a person/family/organization that thinks the work you do should be free or discounted. While you are at it throw in some free prescriptions and a bag of food as well.
I don’t know what it is that compels people into thinking that veterinary medicine is free volunteer work instead of a fully functioning business.

Its a group of professionals providing a service, and that service does come with a fee. The fee is due at the time the services are rendered. Its comparable to taking your care to a mechanic. They expect payment after the labor. They love what they do, just like we do. The difference is they don’t have to take a bullet financially when entitled prices come in. We often have to eat costs, and or give away services for free because of people thinking they deserve it, or worse when they are stolen. I say stolen as in a surgery being done, and a person refusing to pay even though they agreed to, even signed an estimate stating they would. We can’t legally hold your pet until you pay, so that means we have to eat that cost. Its irritating, hell it’s maddening to go through. Enough of that and a owner/office manager has to let staff go. Of it continues a business has to shut down. No one wants that, veterinary professionals need jobs too.

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4. Abandoned Pets
The quickest way to earn the rage and wrath of a vet tech is to abandon your pet. Just the mere mention of such an act earns you their contempt and they never forget it. The fact that you don’t even have the decency to re-home them or take them to a shelter or rescue group is sickening. What if you were left out in the street forced to fend for yourself in a world you don’t understand? No that’s not good enough, let me put it in perspective for you. You abandoning your pet in the streets is like you being ripped from you home and dropped into another country that doesn’t speak your native language with no map, GPS, currency, and supplies to live. Where you will either be killed or just await hour painful death of starvation and parasites. That is basically what one does when they are abandoning a pet. So to hell with you if you do it. The two pups pictured above were abandoned where I work on a freezing winter morning. At least that human chose to leave them at a veterinary clinic, but still what the hell? They were barely off their mothers milk, and honestly probably had another week to go. They are two loving dogs that crave attention and love and fear being alone. Probably because they were ripped from their mom too early… anyway the hospital took them in, gave them someplace warm to live and food. As you all who read my blog know I lost my little Diva recently and my wife and I were looking for another dog. So, these two are my new dogs. We love them to death, and I get enraged every time I think of them being thrown out onto the streets….

That’s volume 13 for ya, hope you like it and can identify. Share it with your friends and family. Hope you have a happy holiday! Now here’s a funny pic just cause.

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-Poetic Ice

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Things Vet Techs Don’t Like Vol 10

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The clenched fist says it all right. It’s a sign of pure rage in this case. This job is going to forever make me say “Why do we allow humans to procreate?”

Well since we can’t stop that I can still rant right? You all won’t hold that against me? Don’t think you will so here goes for the tenth time in a row, Things Vet Techs Don’t Like!!!!!!

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1. MAGGOTS!!!!!!

You see that picture above… It’s a fly. A creepy, disgusting, and annoying little housefly. It lives it’s life in relatively short stages. They start as disgusting little eggs that hatch into a larval stage known commonly as Maggots. Now being a veterinary technician you see all sorts of gross things. soy one becomes conditioned, hardened if you will. But very few vet techs clock in and are ready to see maggots spewing from an abnormal orifice on someone’s pet. Seriously WHAT THE F**K?….. okay got that out. Now let me clarify my rage. if it’s a stray animal that was wounded and then maggots set up shop and some good Samaritan brings it in to have it treated or put to sleep then fine we’ll deal with the grossness with nose plugs and gloves. But the flip side to that is that select group of people who bring in their pet who have maggots falling out of them stating “this just happened today” . If you are a pet owner who cares for their pet then why the hell didn’t you notice a wound on your pet that now is festering and has tons of maggots burrowing through it and eating your pet alive? Not only is this disgusting it’s so rag inducing that it makes me tremble with anger….

Disclaimer: I know that sometimes some pets get out, or run away and accidents happen, and one may not find their pet before something like this happens. This is not a rant towards those who have gone through those unfortunate mishaps.

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2. Inventory 

inventory: Noun, a complete list of items such as property, goods in stock, or the contents of a building as defined by the dictionary.

Inventory: Verb: An act that veterinary technicians perform to self induce madness by taking count of every possible product in the building.

Inventory: Adjective, Word to describe pure and unadulterated hate and rage in a nice way. a synonymous term for trying to find shit that doesn’t exist within the clinic that should.

Nuff’ said.

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3. LIQUOR

In this job, especially the emergency portion of it we seem to encounter our fair share of liquor. Now don’t get me wrong plenty of vet techs can agree that a nice cold one after a long day’s work is a great thing, but while you’re clocked in you don’t want to smell or see liquor or it’s remnants. If you come into the clinic somewhat buzzed or full on plastered it’s not a good thing. History gets skewed, and facts will be disoriented, and you’re overly emotional in a time when you need to be calm. Sometimes its down right embarrassing to see an adult acting like an idiot in public or doing idiotic things.  The other side of the liquor spectrum is if you bring in a pet that is suffering from alcohol poisoning I personally think of you as the scum of the Earth. Not only is it asinine, it’s animal abuse which is punishable by law lest we forget. So if you are coming into my clinic giggling about your dog being drunk while this poor animal, a member of your family, is now suffering and may die, don’t expect me to be all bright and cheery with you in the exam room. Quite frankly, to Hell with your feelings, your animal suffering is all i’m concerned about, and if we can prevent any major or long lasting issues then I hope the law is called and you are punished for it…. Jerk-off

Well… there you have it folks that’s volume 10 of Things Vet Techs Don’t Like. That’s my 2 cents on this madness called Veterinary Medicine. Pass it along.

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Things Vet Techs Don’t Like Vol 9

Just like the evil cat in your clinic who’s chronically constipated TVTDL is back again for the 9th time! It seems like this list will be infinite.

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I Need an Annual Done, at 10:30pm

When working in a veterinary clinic you expect impromptu visits from clients to have their pets vaccinated at any given time during the work day. BUT when you’re working the emergency shift you don’t expect for a client to come rushing in on two wheels saying  “I need my annual vaccines done right now! I know It’s 10:30pm, but I need it now!” Okay it’s not my place to say you do or don’t need your vaccines. If you ask me I will always tell you that you need to update your vaccines yearly. BUT WHY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH IS IT IMPORTANT TO DO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!!!????  If you’re fortunate enough to have a 24 hour facility near you and you want your vaccines done at night go do it if they allow it, but seriously, schedule an appointment during regular hours if you go in and see multiple patients rushed in that got hit by cars or in dog fights or poisoned. You are kind of a non-factor for a moment while they are tended to.

YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ANIMALS!!!

This has been blogged about before, but it’s always worth mentioning again. Every Veterinary professional in existence has heard this phrase at least once or twice (A week) in their career. “You don’t care about animals, you only care about money!” it’s with a heavy sigh that I again state, Veterinary medicine is a business. Yes we care about animals, but there are still bills to pay. Certain expenses need to be covered to treat your animals. Just like with human medicine there will be expenses involved with receiving care, and more often than not those expenses are higher for emergency care, just like with humans. I promise we’re not money grubbing people. If you seen our checks you would understand that most of the money that you see going into a clinic does just that, it goes towards keeping a clinic running. If only you knew how much money flies out of the door from little minor things such as free nail trims and such that some doctors like to give to their patients as a kindness. Those little things add up over the course of a year to thousands of dollars that the doctor could have made, but didn’t because they chose to give it away. Think about that the next time you stand high and mighty on your soap box and rant that we don’t care about animals.

Insulting The Staff

Okay, I don’t know about other jobs, but in this field we aren’t employees working for a boss. We’re a family that view each other as brothers and sisters, some older, some younger, but you get the picture. We’re a blended family that doesn’t take kindly to you snickering to your friends or boldly insulting us because you don’t like our appearance or something about our hospital. We didn’t come to you and beg for you to enter our building. You came to us. The least you could do is show some respect to the people who are helping to treat your pet. Your personal opinions about the employees of the hospital you are at are not warranted. You don’t know what that particular person is going through at any given time, and that could be the the thing to set them off in an explosive way that could end badly for everyone around. Respect, I repeat, RESPECT those around you. Don’t insult my family, because I’m not insulting yours. Besides you should have some decency as a human being, it’s not like your a cat walking into the clinic looking at your human slaves…

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That’s all I got for you right now, but you know it’s going to keep coming.  Refer your friends to the blog and check out the other entries in the series.

Check out the new facebook page as well- http://www.facebook.com/thoughtsbypi

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Things Vet Techs Don’t Like Vol. 8

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Okay… Really? Just Really? Will this list stop? I doubt it. I thought this would be a quick venting mechanism and great practice writing. NOPE It’s my life now apparently. Let’s get the ball rolling…

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Running Around Like A Chicken With My Head Cut Off

Veterinary medicine is a fast paced occupation. More often than not you are multitasking and running from place to place to assist your coworkers or the doctor in some way, all the while you are trying to aid your clients as well. We understand that. We’re prepared for that. We LOVE THAT! or else we wouldn’t be here. BUUUUUUUTTTTTT!!!!! If you’re the ONE client that comes in and decides you don’t want to tell us every thing you want up front, and would rather us drag your dog back and forth a million times then refer to the picture below please,

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Don’t have an exam, go to the lobby, Then ask for a nail trim causing us to take your dog to the back and do it. Then ask for anal gland expression once that’s done, and then ask for an ear cleaning after that. You are burning bridges here quickly. Your tech on the case does in fact have MANY other things to do, and if you would have mentioned that upfront instead of hiding it like government secrets it all would have been done before your appointment ended…. Jeez.

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Invasion of Personal Space

The fact that I have to post this infuriates me. Why do you feel that it is socially acceptable to invade mine or my doctor’s personal space. This isn’t a crowded night club, or a social mixer, it’s a Veterinary clinic. So when you decide that we must feel your breath, that isn’t always fresh, on our faces we feel… inclined to be enraged. Pissed even, and grossed the hell out. The vet and the tech should leave the room feeling like they helped you, not like they were forced into a threesome with some creep. It’s simple, DON’T TOUCH ME, DON’T BREATH ON ME, DON’T ASSIST ME WITH RESTRAINT UNLESS I REQUEST IT, DON’T TOUCH MY VETERINARIAN, DON’T PAT HIM/HER, DON’T WHISPER TO US IN HUSHED TONES AND GET ODDLY CLOSE TO US, AND LASTLY, BACK THE HELL UP!!!!

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W.A.C.K.

I guess you want to know what that stands for. Well don’t worry, Mr. Poetic Ice will tell you. W.A.C.K. stands for Weird Ass Crazy Kids. Some humans are blessed with kids. Some humans are blessed to not have them, and then there are those inept jackasses that have given birth to these Weird Ass Crazy Kids that spend their young lives following Satan’s word and spreading chaos and destruction. These demons don’t know how to control their voice levels, don’t sit down, touch EVERYTHING, attempt to pet the animal during examinations and vaccinations, ask 100,675 questions, and possibly color on your chairs in the exam room all before they leave. Some would say that’s just part of being a kid, but I don’t recall worshiping the Dark Lord in my youth. We aren’t really mad at the kids, it’s the parents that act like nothing is going on. Did you not see little Michael destroy a bag of dog treats? What about Susie that keeps slapping the cat? Okay, fine, I’ll pray for you since you’re already a prisoner in your own home to little Hitler.

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LIARS

I seriously wish your pants would catch on fire, or your nose would mutate and grow into some sick mass tumor on you face. Why would you feel compelled to lie on anyone about your pet!? Whether its simple lies of omission when the tech is asking questions and you don’t mention something, but you’ll tell the doctor. Or it’s full on you lying saying we did something to harm or endanger your pet intentionally, it doesn’t matter. Why the fuck would you lie on us or to us? Our job is to help you and your pet and you would go out of your way to lie on us? Is this some sick cry for attention? A need for drama? Whatever your reasoning is, we don’t appreciate it. We hate it. If it wasn’t so ungodly we’d hate you, but we’re not like that. We’re Veterinary professionals, and we’ll use logic, and science to combat your lies. We know the truth, and we stand by it, you won’t make us falter or bend to your will.

 

Well that’s my two cents for right now, thanks for reading thus far. Do you have something that irks you in the Vet world? Let me know

Poetic Ice

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Things Vet Techs Don’t Like Vol. 6

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It’s the Christmas season guys and gals, so happy holidays first and foremost. Now that the holiday cheer is out of the way, let’s address the apparent month long psychosis that has affected the people in our current society. No I’m not about to go on a political/cultural/racial rant. I’ll stay grounded in the Veterinary world. A world full of mixed nuts.

1.  THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL YOU ARE MUZZLING MY DOG, AND CHOKING HIM TO DEATH!!!!

Okay, do you guys see the picture above. Take a long look at it. Have that image internalized yet? That is what a vet tech sees when there is an extremely aggressive dog in the examination room that doesn’t want to be there.  I call it the death lunge, either you move out of the way or it’s game over. As veterinary professionals we understand the aggressive pet. It’s probably fear aggression. That’s fine. we can take things slow and if necessary a muzzle will need to be used. In extreme cases chemical restraint becomes an option. It’s for the protection of everyone in the room so we can all go home happy and in one piece. When we pull out muzzles because Jack the Ripper has decided to rend our flesh from bone, don’t go ape shit crazy on us because of your dog’s behavior. Either your dog is untrained or has fear issues. either way it wants to kill and we want to live. Yelling at us saying that we are choking or suffocating your dog is just fucking stupid. I’m sorry but you took me there. It’s fucking dumb. Proper restraint does not choke your dog, and a muzzle doesn’t suffocate. DOGS BREATH THROUGH THEIR NOSES LIKE WE DO!!!!! Get the heck outta here with that foolishness! This one notion alone drives Techs insane!

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2. Hey Doc, I Need A Refill, I Know I Said I Didn’t Yesterday, But I Do Today. Right Now Actually. No I’m out completely…. for real…..

So, I know I went to public school. It may not have been ivy league status, but my preschool teacher taught me this magical thing called counting. It was a skill that I have used EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Apparently this skill is a lost art for many of the clients of veterinary clinics. When your pet is on chronic medication you are in the vet office often for monitoring and or refills. Well if you come for a routine monitoring visit and the Vet Tech and DOCTOR ask you do you need a refill of said medication, we are honestly asking you this. This is no trick or game we are trying to play. We figure you know the inventory of medications in your home and know when you need more. I guess we are wrong to think this. If you say that “I have plenty of medication, I don’t need anymore right now doctor” we believe this fact. We’re not the ones medicating your pet you are. Why should we not believe you. So when you call us less than 24 hours later and say you need a refill of said medication and you need it ASAP because if Fluffy doesn’t get it they break out in hives and become a lycanthrope by midnight, we become confused and pissed off. YOU KNEW YOU NEEDED MEDICATION YESTERDAY!!! If you’re in the building we can fill the script, if you call it in most likely there is a policy in place such as give the doctor 24 hours to fill it because the doctor has actual work to do such as see patients, save lives, run a damn hospital, etc. Now you’re irate on the phone and complaining about service when we tried to service your ass yesterday! Well you wait on your damn medication that we will fill, and pray your werewolf doesn’t take too many lives in the process.

(Lycanthrope=Werewolf for people who don’t want to use Google lol)

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3. Secret Keepers

These are the clients who act like they have something to hide when they make there appointment. They schedule Red for vaccines and get off the phone with a maniacal laugh to themselves. They start rubbing their hands together and in a deep menacing voice proclaim, “I’ll also bring fluffy and Sam along for annuals, and anal glands muahahahahahahahaha!” Or At least that’s what I imagine. All we as veterinary professionals ask is that when you make an appointment, make it for all that you require. It doesn’t hurt our feelings to work. It pisses us off when you add multiple things at the last friggin minute. If you show up for a dental cleaning, don’t add a billion mini mass removals that you are only getting for aesthetic purposes! You know not the wrath of a vet professional scorned, but that is the quickest way to earn it.

Now that’s all, enjoy your holiday, go have fun, and for the love of all that is only keep your pets out of the emergency clinic!

Happy holidays

Poetic ice

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